Nur Hazrenee

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Life Has Changed
Friday, May 31, 2013 | 9:42 AM |

Everyone tells you that it'll be hard, but it's one of those things that just doesn't hit home until you're in the middle of it. And in this instance, it is you standing in the living room in your shirt, baby poop on your shirt, oily unwashed hair falling out of a bun & an inconsolable screaming, red-faced baby in your arms.

It's not always like this - we have great days, good days & average days as well as the so ridiculously hard days.

You see, I didn't have a lot to do with newborns - we don't have a big extended family with little ones, we don't have nieces or nephews, and I don't have many friends with children. I read a million books about pregnancy.

Khalef is our little baby boy. We learn as we go, and we're probably going to keep learning until he's 30. I'm beginning to notice the signs for when he's hungry, when he's fussy, and when he's getting tired or overtired.

It's the other moments that are stressful - the ones that leave you in the situation I described in the first paragraph of this blog entry. The times where he will cry, and cry, and cry, and you have absolutely no idea why. It's the saddest crying, too. The kind where he'll work himself up into sobs. The part that gets me is when a tiny, lonely tear trickles down his face - that's when I feel the worst.

I think most new parents probably go through the same mental checklist that we do - is he fed, clean, cold, hot, in pain from something, cuddled, comfortable, tired, not tired. When you've ticked all the boxes, tried all the soothing techniques you know of, and spent hours searching things like - why is my almost 8 weeks old baby screaming uncontrollably. Yes, it's hard. I wish there was an answer for why he has these days or what to do to comfort him, but it's all just trial and error. What works on one day generally doesn't work on another, and we just try to keep our heads above water.

As cheesy as it sounds, I wouldn't trade the hard times for anything. Today was a glorious day. Khalef was happy, had lots of naps, spent some time on his tummy and his back, kept himself happy blabbering away in his bouncer, and fed well. He gave me the most adorable gummy grin after a feed, and barely cried at all. As I type this, he's having a full night's snooze in his suit and is making the most gorgeous sighing sounds in his sleep. When he wakes, we'll be having our bath, bottle, and trying to lull him into sleep again.

I'm already seeing my newborn baby disappear, and I'm trying to treasure this stage before he outgrows it. I love to see him growing, but I'm also sad to see him growing. In the midst of the crazy crying fits and the hard, sleep-deprived times, I can honestly see why people do this all over again. I'm going to miss Khalef being this little.