♥ The Drifter
♥ Small World
♥ Adik Baby
Thursday, April 19, 2012 | 11:29 AM |
I've always been told that I deserve better. But I never took that advice to heart because I am an extremely passionate person. Whatever I want, no matter how painful, difficult, or tiring it is, I will put my utmost heart and efforts into attaining it. But lately, I've been drained of the energy to hold on.
I've always wondered what I was to them. We were friends, but not really. Friends, after all, would make some sort of effort to catch up with each other. I was more like their secretary. They only came to me when they needed help, and of course, I was always willing to fix them whenever they were broken. I never even thought about making them reciprocate my obvious feelings for them. Instead, I just continued to help them. I gave them words of advice and told them that everything was going to be okay.
Then something happened. It was obvious. They only talked to me when they needed me. Otherwise, I didn't really mean that much to them. I was always on the side. Every time this happened, I'd remind myself that I was patient enough. But after days and days of waiting, nothing happened. Nothing has changed. So I gave up. I stopped looking at them the way I always did. I am the type of person who cannot and will not turn down a cry for help, and leaving them was incredibly difficult. We were never anything to begin with, but the hardest part of my decision is that I miss them. They have not contacted me. Perhaps they're afraid of doing so, but if they had any feelings for me, they would eventually. I was afraid to do this sooner because I could not accept the fact that they didn't feel the same way. Although I knew it was a huge possibility, I did not want to believe it. But sometimes, we need the truth. I couldn't wait on them hand and foot selflessly.
It hurts to know that they'd forget me. But maybe this is the way it's supposed to end. Maybe I had to learn that being friends with someone who didn't fight for is self-harming and unnecessary. But for now, the only person who has my utmost attention and care for, is me. And I'm the only one I really need.