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It’s been almost two years. I remember the first two months felt like forever. About two years before I thought I would be okay in about two years time. I wasn’t back then, it felt like a never ending pain. But the reasonable me kept on saying "Hold on, just hold on. I will be okay, it will end one day and it will go faster than you expect. It just doesn’t feel like that right now. But I know it will.”

I honestly thought in about two years would be more than enough to love? I don’t even know to what. To move on, to stop hurting, to stop crying, to start loving! Perhaps even to restart.

Now I have. I have stopped crying and hurting. I have really moved on. And I have definitely start loving.

So now I do know what I should tell myself anymore.

I guess people who say that you’ll never forget your first true love are actually telling the truth. No love is comparable with the love before. We all change in emotions during our life.

And I can say I love Ehsan Fahmy with full of my heart and would not exchange him to anyone in this world and he is not my first love.

I love because of him.

I want to sit in front of him and open myself up like an over read book. I want to be able to be honest with him and tell him everything that’s been steeping in my head, and in my heart for too long.

He is mine and I happily accepted this, I did. If anything, I was just happy to have him by my side as a boyfriend.